Chipmunks, Abba, and Weeds.

Well, since I was fortunate enough to have President's Day off, I've come to two conclusions. First, I've decided that I'd like to do some research on Abraham Lincoln. I mean, I'm definitely not a history buff. It's actually my least favorite subject. And I feel like he's extremely emphasized in like elementary school and stuff. Oh, maybe there's a reason for that! [cue lightbulb] I was informed today by my mother that Mr. Abe over here has had more books written about him than any other human being, with the exception of Jesus Christ. And he was honest, and he was a Christian, and he saved America... all that good stuff. So that's my first conclusion.

The second one is a little more involved on how I came to it... Let me start with this morning. Around 9:30, I made a CD to play while my mom, AnnaBeth and I cleaned the house for Community Group tomorrow. As an incentive, Mommy and Daddy were going to take us to the State Fair, because they had a Military discount thing in honor of President's Day. Well, my dad went to look up the policy online and discovered that actually, the whole free admission thing didn't start until 4 PM, and that in fact, it wasn't for Military personnel at all, but for everybody. That left me out of the picture because I had a dentist appointment at 1, and my mom didn't really want to be out that late anyways. So, we decided to watch Mamma Mia! instead. Anyways, so I went to my dentist appointment... It's only reinforcing my disdain for those people that stick metal and lasers in my mouth. Not cool. And come to find out, you have to get numbed for a filling. I had forgotten about that, because fortunately, I don't make a habit of getting cavities. So, that brings me to where I am right now: sitting on the couch, feeling like half of my face is either falling off or the size of a tennis ball (I can't decide which), listening to all the Abba music that is currently stuck in my head, drinking a milkshake (and wondering if maybe I should go get a bib), and contemplating my discussion with my parents last night.

Well, after 4 hours, this is what I think I look like:

 

And this is the song that has been playing on repeat in my head for those 4 hours:

 

The circumstances which initiated the conversation were not so great. They involved me losing my wallet somewhere in St. Petersburg, and me quitting my job three weeks ago and neglecting to tell them. I wouldn't recommend either. Well. Through this little chat, we discovered that these two mishaps, among several others within the past couple of weeks, are rooted in character-based problems that I struggled with and supposedly conquered years ago. In 2008-2009, I was doing many things the wrong way, one of them being not talking to my parents about really anything. It didn't matter if I needed advice, if something was bothering me, if I needed encouragement, a hug, forgiveness... I just didn't want them to be involved in my life like that. I think it's a typical thing that many teenagers go through: wanting to be independent. The sadly un-typical part of my situation was how involved and persistent my parents were (and still are). After over a year of being shut out, they never gave up on trying to get me to open up. They never threw up their hands and said, "okay, I'm done." They never passively waited for me to "come around:" they actively waited. And, I eventually did. So, when I decided to quit my job, I had very good reasons and had thought it through well, but I had made the decision on my own, because I knew they probably wouldn't like it (which is what drove almost all of my withdrawn behaviors 3 years ago). So I was sitting there and talking with the three people that love me the most, and it struck me as concerning that I seem to be regressing in a way. "I can't bear to see the man I've been rising up in me again."[a] I was reminded of a prayer I prayed a few days ago... not the conscious, on-your-knees kind... more of like a passing thought. It's encouraging that God hears those too. I was thinking about how I only have a few more months before life as I know it is going to be completely transformed (more on that later,) and how there is so much I would have done differently if I could have. Then, I realized, even though I can't change the past, it's not too late to start anew. Actually, it's a perfect time to start anew. I asked God if he would reveal things about myself to me that I had maybe forgotten about, or was ignoring, or were just unnoticed. Well He answered that one, alright. It's like He took a giant highlighter and just started marking up my life right and left. These signs of the "old me" are God's way of weeding out the qualities that I have in me that are not of Him. I thought I had fixed these things, but maybe I only thought I did. Maybe I just got better at covering them up. He's showing me how well He knows me, and He's helping me to change, just like I asked. These next five months are going to be messy, I know that for sure... but I have no doubt that they will be rewarding. God is shaping me into the woman that He wants me to be, and therefore that I want to be. 


[a] "East to West," Casting Crowns.

How July Isn't Normal.

So... I posted this on my facebook about 3 weeks ago, at the very beginning of July. For various reasons I'm just now putting it up here. Since apparently its possible to find my blog. Haha.

For the month of Jully, starting in...26 minutes, I will not be as easily accessible as most of you are accustomed to. More specifically:
1. I will not be on facebook.
2. I will (ideally) not be using my cell phone.
3. I wil not be spending money.
4. I will not be listening to secular music.
Well, really the first two are the only things that have to do with trying to contact me, but the last two are related as well.
You might be thinking, 'Isn't that a bit extreme?' or maybe you're asking 'why...?' Or, probably for the majority, 'WHAT THE FRUITCAKE IS WRONG WITH YOU?!'
Allow me to explain.
I'll make it short, I promise ;-).

I have been blessed to experience and witness the powerful influence that God has on people, and the great and awesome love He goes to such lengths to show to all of us. This is something that I've "always known," but since I'm human, it sometimes leaves my heart. I know with my head, but my heart grows cold. During the past few weeks, God has worked in my life in ways I didn't know were poeeible; He rescued me when I didn't know I was lost. I realized that the God I profess to be crazily in love with is still only a part of my life. In this world, and in this generation, there are so many distractions that take away from my time with my Best Friend. While sometimes, I desire to spend all day with Him, in His Word, talking with Him, the world soon catches up to me. I want to fully experience what it means to have my entire life centered around Christ. I long to draw near to Him! But how helpless I am to do so. He has made the way for connection and communion with Him; He's trying to speak to me and teach me things about Himself. But, in my life, other things compete for my attention. This month, I'm dedicating myself to listening better. To hearing and receiving what He has to teach me. And, I've decided (or been challenged, I guess you could say) to completely rid myself of the competition, of the distractions in my life, for one month. (Well, the ones that are possible. For example, I'm not going to stop showing up to work, or quit going to my summer classes, even though those things can prove to be distractions if not held in check. I believe in upholding previous committments as well.) I'm not going to get on facebook. I'm not going to text or use my phone, unless it's a family emergency. (Which means never, 'cause we're the Graves and we're awesome and we don't have problems ;). ) I'm not going to spend money. This mainly applies to while I'm at work, because I get lazy and instead of making myself a lunch I spend $15 a week on food. But that's a story of it's own. I'm not going to listen to secular music, because during that time, my heart is not on God and His mercy and goodness.

Yes, it's a bit extreme. Actually, it's really extreme. (Or maybe, to some of you, it's no big deal? I dont know!) I'm not sayng that I'm going to do it forever. But I might, who knows? ;) It's worth it. I get to know God better! That's awesome! And... is something wrong with me? Well, it depends on what you call "wrong." Me? I'm captivated by my Creator. :)

I'm not by any means saying that this is the only way to get close to God. I'm not trying to place guilt on anyone, or seem self-righteous... I hope that's not how I'm coming across. And I'm not trying to isolate myself, but just the opposite. I'm "freeing myself up" for the One who loves me the most.

So... it turned into a long story after all. But in a good way. Thank you for reading this.

The earth is the LORD's, and all it contains,
The world, and those who dwell in it.
For He has founded it upon the seas
And established it upon the rivers.
Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD?
And who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood
And has not sworn deceitfully.
He shall receive a blessing from the LORD
And righteousness from the God of his salvation.
This is the generation of those who seek Him,
Who seek Your face.
-Psalm 24:1-6

I can't wait to share all that God's done in me, and the different things I've done with my time!