There's not a day that goes by that I wish it didn't happen.
Sometimes, there's things in life on which we just wish we could push the "delete" button. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.
I think it's partly because I struggle with guilt. That, and regret. I've been trying to rest in the fact that God truly forgives all sin. All of it. HE pushes the "delete" button, in essence. He no longer remembers it. So why should I?
But something I've been learning about lately is the fact that God uses every circumstance in our lives, no matter how big, small, amazing, horrible, or shameful, to shape us into the people He wants us to be. His soldiers :). His sovereignty enables Him to do that. Along with that, His plans are so exceedingly big and bountiful and beyond comprehension that we could never foresee them. Every experience leads to the specific plan that He has for me. He has ordained it from the beginning of time. He is so much bigger and awesome than anything, wicked or "good" on human terms, that I could do or have done.
I've come to realize that regret is another form of Satan's tools that he conveniently whips out, pressing on the bruise that has the most affect on us. For me, at least. He likes to make me fixate on the past, wishful thinking, what I could have or should have done... instead of looking onward, looking to Christ.
I really like Relient K's song "Forget and Not Slow Down." It so perfectly words my jumbled mess of thoughts. You should look it up.
So I lay it all down, at Your feet, Jesus. Take it all, 'cause I can't take it any longer.
Before I close, I want to share an image that encourages me so incredibly much. It's come about through many things, but I'm rather a visual person. First, Satan comes along with His accusations. Some are twisted, some are pretty much true. I kind of compare it with a drowning, smothering type of experience. Then my Savior comes. He is walking up a hill, and He seems to feel the same things that I do. He is carrying a cross, and He slowly makes His way towards me. Before I realize what is going on, He is there, and He majestically places Himself between me and the accusations, the enemy. His power and love radiates, and he has fought through a burden that was not His to bear. *
This is not a usual post for me. The writing is nothing exceptional. The ideas are not original. It just is.
*References to: "our defense" - God is Our Refuge
the image of the Lifehouse Everything skit
plus a few