Hey guys. If you're here, you probably know me personally and stumbled into this snapshot of my tangled, web of a mind thanks to social media, one way or another. I'm glad you're here. I've actually had this blog for years now, and though I add to it only occasionally, I keep it because for me, it's cool to see the progression of my beliefs and ideas throughout the years. I rarely share it, because in some ways, I don't feel the need to. If someone is supposed to find it, they will (or my words have been lost in the endless void, which is totally cool, because writing is a process and the fact that what's on here is only a snippet of the whole picture is part of that process as well...) Anyways, I've been wanting to articulate a lot of this for some time, and just get it out there: for me, to gift myself the opportunity and space to speak; for my friends, to answer some questions; and for You, whoever you are, who looks a lot like a past Me, finding themself in a scary, uncertain time where nothing makes sense and you know what you need to do and you're both so certain and scared shitless because literally no one is going to understand and you're going to be on this lonely island of weird that's just filled with questions and demands that you just can't answer, even though you KNOW. Which, I'm here to assure you, you're not actually alone there and I promise you'll find your people, and until then, you'll keep yourself company. And it's okay.
A series of traumatic and otherwise painful events in my personal life, in the lives of those close to me, and that I've observed in the world around me has lead me to adopt a mindset and practice of being anti-violence. We could debate the existence of Just Wars, and whether the evil actions of one justify the violent reaction of another, but that is not the purpose of this. My intention right now is to share my own personal convictions that have manifested and have emerged from within during the past 3.5 particularly turbulent and unstable years of my life: that I cannot, in good conscience, be a force that invokes pain and suffering on another being. I am still in the process of determining what exactly that looks like going forward, what I will do with these convictions, how I will speak out about these things which to me, are so apparent and compelling... but for now, I am certain about a few things.
In a tangible, personal application of my convictions, I have chosen to adopt a vegetarian/vegan diet whenever possible. I've stopped eating meat completely, and I've made it to a point to discontinue the consumption of animal byproducts as well, though this is much more difficult and not always available to me. Every day is different, but the common strain is that I refuse to take any part in a practice that is objectively and inherently violent (regardless of whether or not it "matters" or is of consequence, similar to whether or not wars/violence is okay sometimes. I will not participate, for my own sake and, I believe, for others' as well. It is a clear, intentional way for me to put into practice what I have grown to emphatically believe.
Also side note, lets be real, cheese has been insanely hard to cut out completely... which is what a lot of people say in response to the vegan thing: "OMG I could NeVeErRrRrrrrrrrr give up CHEEEEEEESE" which honestly, I get it. Cheese awakens parts of your taste buds and senses that you didn't even know existed. It's like, the erotica of foods. But the dairy industry is so inhumane and violent, some say even more so than seafood. This is getting into those kind of still fuzzy areas, but I can assure you that I'm doing the best that I can.
I've been vegetarian for over a year now, since before Thanksgiving of last year -- 2017. This is the time when I was in the peak of the ill effects of all the violent, traumatic, and otherwise shitty things that happened to me. This is when I put my foot down and said "no."
No -- I won't consciously cause pain to anyone else.
No -- I won't continue to contribute in any way to an organization that uses violent force to accomplish its objectives.
No -- I won't entertain any kind of justification of these things, to include spiritual ones.
No -- you can't just take what you want, at others' expense.
No -- I won't eat dead animals.
It goes on...
This is why I haven't publicly shared anything about this decision until now, because for me, it isn't a simple, single issue (and yet in some ways, it is). It's intertwined through so many other things, was influenced by multiple other factors. But it's something that I get asked about somewhat regularly, and though the other fragments of my convictions and growth and worldview seem to adapt/grow/evolve daily in some way or another, this is something that has been, and always will remain, certain. It's something that has brought me fulfillment and peace, that has proved meaningful. It's something that really doesn't concern anyone but me (though you'd think otherwise if I compiled the countless comments of offense or annoyance or insult that I've received from both friends and strangers upon mentioning my dietary and lifestyle choices,) and isn't up for discussion. This is about me, and taking the opportunity to share something that I do as part of my decision to pursue a more fulfilling, mindful approach to life.
Regardless of your own beliefs or opinions regarding this matter, I invite you to take part in a celebration of the fact that I've found a way to grow from painful experiences. That somehow, my response to pain and suffering has found its way to being something positive and edifying, thought had potential to manifest as destructive decisions instead. I've found my silver lining, and this ins proof. I've discovered things within myself to cling to, during times of misfortune and suffering. I've found my way back from the abyss of existential, consuming dread -- though that itself wasn't pretty and I doubted if I would. Some of you who are/were close to me probably doubted if I'd make it, too. But I did, and this is just one way I've found that I can choose good. And for that, I rejoice.