There is a Disconnect

...between an emphasis on the law, and on love. Both are important, yes, but the extreme of either is dangerous.

Pharisees focused on the law, and it hindered their ability to love others, or even accept who Jesus was. Then there's the progressive, modern view that accepts everyone, no matter what... including their sins, without ever giving biblical counsel. "Loving" unconditionally turns into accepting their sins - which isn't conducive either.

The law is important.. but so is love? How do I truly love someone, seeing them as my neighbor and how Jesus did - forgiven - without overlooking the importance of the calling to a holy life? What does this apply to?

I think its that loving others comes first, because Jesus set the example on that one. If we truly love them, maybe we can show them what the Bible says about sin and a holy life, but God is the one who convicts, not us. We can be honest with them, but condemning or convicting is not something that is our job, or should come in the way of our love for them.

In the gospels, if I'm not mistaken, those who come to Jesus had already felt the sting of conviction. Jesus didn't look at them and say, "You're a dirty, rotten, ugly sinner, and you're lost without me so you'd better come running!" No. He said, "Your sins are forgiven." They already knew that He was their only hope. They already knew they were wrong. Jesus simply loved.

So what do we do? Sit here waiting for the broken to come to us? Pray fervently for God's judgement to rain down so that people get scared into turning to Christ? Hang out with sinners so they know that we're not too self-righteous? First of all, the Pharisees said, "He eats with sinners and tax collectors." Jesus said, "I eat with friends."

I don't know what we're supposed to do. I don't have the answer. I do think it takes a lot of prayer, though. And I think that we need to focus on our own 'holiness,' both individually and within the church, and to befriend others - to show love. We (I) need to trust that God will take care of everything, will show us when to speak, and when to embrace.

"God judges. The Holy Spirit convicts. We are to love. Too many Christians try to do all three." - Billy Graham



End: Doesn't it all go back to trust? Do I trust that the Holy Spirit will do the work in their heart, without me shouting out commentary on the sidelines? My job is to love. To be the body of Christ.

To read a more thoroughly articulated post on the sentiments I express here, see this article, "In Search of a Better Gospel," by Micah J. Murray.

Rebuilt

I give, and I take away.

What I have the power to take, I also have the power to give back. That doesn't mean that I will. Just live what you believe: in My sovereignty.

If I hadn't taken this, you wouldn't see the situation for what it really is. Trust Me.

I love you. I want the best life possible for you. I want you to wrestle with questions instead of being pressured into feeling like you should have the answers. I want you to go into battle with the idea of who I Am, and come out stronger on the other side.

The time will come. I have heard your prayer. Let go of your timing. Let it go. It would have sucked anyway.

You are lost. you need me. You 'know' the right answer in your head, which makes it easier to arrive at your heart. But in the end, I do that anyway, so 'easy' is arbitrary.

Please just trust me.

Learn to do that.
Learn about yourself.
Learn about others.
Learn about Me!

You won't ever get this time back. Ever. This is your discovery time. Embrace it, pursue Me. Let me use you in others' lives, and I will do the same for you.

Don't get caught up in the misconception that there is no 'end goal.' The end goal is eternity, with Me. Not in this life. You won't find it here. You'll always have questions, more questions... and they will bring you closer to Me. They will mold you. They will create you.

Uncertainty is not bad. I welcome your doubts, your fears. I Am your Answer, I Am your Courage, I Am your Comfort.

I Am.

I never let you go.
I have redeemed you.
I have come for you.

Inspire

I sometimes get this sense of urgency when I think about how disconnected we are. When we hear that word, most people think that it's referring to the world - as in, we're disconnected from the world around us, due to the fast-paced nature of society, the pull of technology, and other sorts of the similar. But lately, I've felt as though most of us are actually disconnected from ourselves. We don't spend enough time in thought, or in full consciousness, being aware of the beautiful world around us.

Now, I'm not going onto this whole "be in tune with yourself and follow your heart to find true peace" thing. I think that a lot of people use that particular sentiment as a substitute for pursuing God. I don't claim to be fully in-tune with Him, but I do feel as though, if each of us is made uniquely in his image, we have a responsibility to embrace that. Embrace humanity, embrace individuality - because it is one of the many gifts given to us by our Creator. And, in all things, remember that He knows us better than we know ourselves. He is constantly molding and shaping us into a purer version of ourselves, to be perfected in eternity... and I don't want to waste any part of my life and graze over who exactly it is that He is making me.

I don't know what form this will take or how I will accomplish it exactly. I have a few ideas, but all I know for sure is that these past two years have flown by, and I can't remember to what end I have worked so hard. Basically, I don't want to waste life. I want to invest in the people around me, embrace myself, and pursue God. And while I know that only He can give me the power and resolve to do that, I do have a few things on my mind that I think everyone, especially me, should aim to include as part of their self-discovery/molding process.

Here's a few for the immediate present, and I'll add more later.

Reading. I love reading, and I almost never do it. It has partly to do with my schedule now, but I've made time recently, and I don't know why I didn't make adjustments sooner. I'm talking about classics, memoirs, adventure, scholarly articles, short stories, historical fiction (and nonfiction), works from other cultures, everything. I have a huge stack of books here (and an even larger one at home) of books on my "list." Reading stimulates your creative side, and challenges your beliefs. It enables you to consider other points of view (for example, the antiwar novel my sister gave me for my birthday... doesn't exactly align with my worldview, but I'm reading it to understand the minds of others). I think I can make time to read once a day, even if it's just a few pages.

Being outside. It's beautiful... any kind of weather is beautiful. Even right now, when it almost never gets above freezing and the sun doesn't come out for months. I miss sunshine, and I don't have to make an argument for being outside when the weather is nice, but even if it isn't, it still smells fresh, and makes snuggling up with a big blanket and a cup of hot tea that much more soothing when I get back inside.

Writing old-fashioned letters. I don't really have a texting problem, because I get bored (haha), but I want to write more letters. Writing helps me to really think about what I'm trying to communicate to the person (who I probably haven't seen in a while and deserves my undivided attention instead of whatever half-hearted message I would send otherwise), and it requires focus. In the age of the internet and technology, our attention spans are dwindling (I'll do another post on this later), and this, along with everything else here, can help to combat that.

And that's all for now... it may seem simple or strange or maybe even typical - I don't want this to be another get-off-the-computer-and-go-do-something post. But it's a start for me, and hopefully for you.

Also, here's a song my roommate showed me this morning that made me feel inspired and ambitious. Enjoy :)

Guns

Here's some stuff I've stumbled across recently. I don't think that there's a right or wrong answer to this issue; I know that I have an opinion about it, but everyone's opinion will be different based on the encounters that they've had and the things they have experienced. For those who have this decision in their hands, it is their job to come to a conclusion about it. For the rest of us, it's important to form our own definite opinion based on personal beliefs, and to be able to think critically and listen openly to the opinions of others.

Here, a man who's children were directly affected by the Sandy Hook incident advocates for his own right to keep his guns - and let others in his town do the same.

Additionally, here's an article about the worst school-wide massacre in American records (that turned out to be only half as deadly as it should have been, due to plan malfunctions).

I know what I believe, but I'm genuinely curious about other people's opinions and why they have them.

Also - was anyone else a bit disturbed by the use of the Sandy Hook kids during the Super Bowl, to evoke nation-wide emotion and gain viewers for the media? Disguised as an act of kindness and opportunity to young children who had been through life-changing, traumatizing circumstances? Just my initial reaction.

Mercy

There's been so much sadness and hatred going around lately, especially up here where cynicism is at its finest. In a matter of days, we've heard about the Sandy shooting where almost 20 little children were murdered, and also, found out that Westboro Baptist Church is going to be picketing at the gate in January.

Yes, both of these events are horrible things to hear about and it's unfathomable to us how they occur. Yes, my initial reaction is to want to give them a piece of my mind, just like everyone else.

But ultimately, they just break my heart. Because the families who lost their children are going to be having a very different Christmas than I will. I honestly can't imagine what they are going through, and tears that I shed have no comparison to the grief that they feel. The ones in WBC... I sorrow for them as well, because they have no love. Their actions are not rooted in love. They have no idea what they are doing.

Sometimes I just look up and scream, how could this happen?! How could they do this? Any of them?

But then I remember that the same could be said about me. The many times I've not acted in love, or turned away from the One who gives me the capacity to have such love.

He died for them too. He died for the children and their families. He died for the shooters. He died for the lost people who completely miss the point of what He did for them and claim to be of Him.

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

And be with those who are affected by these horrible events, and give them grace to eventually see past it.

Vessels.

We are vessels that the Lord uses to accomplish His work. That's what this post is about.

Although, I never really liked the word "vessel." Reminds me of blood. But that's just because I'm into science and stuff. It could also be a boat. 

Anyways, so I was completely caught off-guard by the advice of a 14-year-old tonight. We were just at Starbucks, having coffee after youth group. I took her out because I felt like maybe I could encourage her in some things, and reach out to her. (Irony.) We were talking about homeschooling vs. public schooling, and how she felt about possibly going to a public high school next year after being homeschooled her entire life. I asked her if she was nervous at all, and she said yeah. After all, it wasn't just high school that was going to be new, but public school as well... all thrown her way at once. I was able to offer some advice, having done both myself, and then I went into how I was definitely nervous about West Point next year. I told her how I was plagued with fear, about silly things like failing my classes, or not enjoying it once I got there. She sat there for a moment, and then says, "So I'm really bad at giving advice, but like, you have to just continue the journey in the zeal that you started it with." And right away, like 5 verses popped into my head (Romans 12:11) and we talked about them... but I almost couldn't even talk because of the profoundness of what she had just said. Her comment carried so much wisdom, and was exactly what I needed to hear, and she didn't even know it. And I thought I was going to be the one helping her! So that got me to thinking... how many times have I said something that affected someone else, without even realizing it?

And, more importantly... how should that affect how I interact with people? I mean, we never know who is watching. And this isn't the first time this has happened; God uses people in my life constantly. But am I ready and available for Him to use me? Do I pray for Him to speak through me? Just something to think about...

But isn't it cool that He uses us, even when we're unaware of it? He uses us even when we don't ask Him to, even when our motives are flawed. Even when our hearts are selfish (aka always). That doesn't stop Him from accomplishing His perfect will in us, and likewise in the Kingdom.

And in that moment You opened up the heavens
To the broken the beggar and the thief
Lifted out of the wreckage
I find hope in the aftermath

-Aftermath, Hillsong United

Old News...

So, this is a post that I've actually been putting off for a while. 6 months, to be exact. I kept moving it to the end of my mental list, because I was afraid of not doing it justice... but then I realized that 1) that's totally not a feasible argument, because it is not any work that I have done, but a work that has been done in me, and 2) I really, really need to have record of this. I need to have something to look back on, so I remember the "why." And that's what this started out as, anyways: a place for me to record my thoughts.

Well. First of all. I started out this school year with an attitude that was very different from years past. During the fall, I was taking 2 science classes (with labs), 1 math, and economics, and I was loving it. I wasn't loving the ritualistic late night study sesh thing I had going on, but I was renewed with a passion for learning and enlightenment that was very different for me. The science just fascinated me in a way that I can't explain without going off on a tangent (but if you're interested, start by doing some light research on SPONCH or cell life... blows my mind!). I had this new motivation for learning, and passion for life... and I wasn't sure why. It was just new, and very refreshing. This attitude of driven-ness caused me to take on many different activities outside of school, like 2 jobs, 2 additional work/volunteer positions outside of my paid jobs, pursuing my musical exposure and talent by continuing to study the piano, and serving in church, not to mention my commitment to my family. Now, all of this was definitely not something I would take on now; but God used a busy schedule for that semester to prepare me for this semester, next year, and the 3 years after that... He showed me what I was capable of when I trusted in Him. In spite of that overwhelming, completely full, non-stop schedule, I was still able to enjoy every minute of my life, to stop and think, 'this moment is unique, and I'm never going to get another one,' to "Be still and know that [He is] God" (Ps. 46:10). He gave me a real life example of it, and my life during that time was one of continuous prayer. And oh, how wonderful it was! It was hard, and it was messy, and God was so near. He showed me, through my study in Acts and through that season in my life, that He prepares us before revealing His plan.

During this entire time, I did have a goal. I wasn't completely sure if that goal was God-inspired, but it seemed to be, and I knew that all I could do was move forward and trust. So I did. During that short time from my summer vacation in August to right after Thanksgiving, I worked hard at all the things I just mentioned, and an application to the United States Military Academy at West Point. I honestly have no idea what I was thinking when I first started the process... it is so out of my comfort zone, first of all, and it's a huge commitment. I hate getting up early (most of the time,) and I hate working out. But because it's not something that I would have decided to do on my own, I thought that just maybe it was an opportunity from God, and that all I could do was apply. I knew I would learn a lot out of the application itself (I had to start training and take a fitness test), and that if I did get in, it would be totally and completely because of God. Additionally, I decided that I was going to apply in August, and started the application about two weeks before school started. Most applicants start it in March or April, which meant that I was starting the process late in the game. Not to mention the fact that most of the people who are applying have wanted this for their entire high school career, if not longer. So in spite of feeling out of place in this competition for a spot, I had peace with whatever came, because of the fact that I really wasn't in control of what happened. Everything I was putting in my application was things that I had already done, and couldn't change. I trusted in God to bring about His plan...

He also showed me ways that I could enjoy being there. It wasn't like I was being dragged through this application, kicking and screaming, saying "I don't want to!" No, I had so many ways that I could see it being a good fit for me. For example, I loved being affiliated with the Army. The community, the selflessness, the service to people... it fit with my values. But I also knew that even good morals aren't enough; without the truth of the gospel as a foundation, all else fails. I had seen the need for Christian influences in the military, and I saw that as a specific way that God could use me. I have always been fascinated with other cultures, and this brought about many opportunities to go overseas. I am also a very structured person, which is another way that this fit in so perfectly. Everything is planned out for you from day 1, and everything has a schedule, a specific way of doing things, and I thrive in that kind of environment. So all of these things were good encouragement, like, "See? I will provide for you. I will take care of you. I'm not doing it to make you miserable."

Well, He certainly did bring about His plan. In November, I got my acceptance letter, which was far earlier than I ever expected or hoped to hear back from them. I have never been so emotional or excited in my entire life. My dad was bragging on me, and I went back to think through all the reasons I gave myself for wanting to go there. I had all these reasons why it would be a good fit, how God could use it in shaping me into who He wants me to be, but it's like I had never allowed myself to dwell on them, because I had honestly not believed I would get in. Now, I had to start looking at it from a new light. I had to remember why I felt that God had led me here in the first place. One of the biggest things, though, was the overwhelming knowledge of the sovereignty of God through it all. Remember when I said that I wasn't in control of what happened? That everything I put in my application - the activities and accomplishments - were from the preceding years? That was just a small example of the fact that whatever you're going through now is preparing you for something bigger, and most of the time, you don't know what it is. I had made all of these commitments - all the things that helped me - before I decided to apply for West Point. It does help to have a goal to work towards, but ultimately, it comes down to doing everything to the glory of God.

All this, and everything that continues to happen, is teaching me about dependence on God. I have learned that I will not succeed unless I am totally reliant upon the Lord and His promises to me, that He does have a plan for my life. I had plans of my own before the West Point goal, but they weren't the plans that God had for me... yet He used everything that I did for myself in His own work that He did. How awesome is that! And now, I am working towards this goal, because I believe that it is from God. Even though it is initially out of my comfort zone, I have faith that he will use it, and I am reminded that it is not comfort which I seek, but to honor God. If this was of my own accord, it would undoubtedly exhaust me, but He has given me strength  and energy and peace to run the race set before me, with joy that I am being made into the person that He wants me to be. John Piper says, "God created us to live with a single passion to joyfully display his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. The wasted life is the life without this passion. God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of, but to make much of him in every part of our lives." If God is not the highest in every part of our lives, we will lose the passion and drive that we have. I can only keep praying that He restores the vision I once had, and trust that He can indeed do more than I could even ask for.